Airport and In-Flight Etiquette – stuff NOT to do

We’ve all been somewhere on a plane, (for those who haven’t check out my coming blog post called “Stuff You Shouldn’t Tell Folks Who Haven’t Flown Before.”) and we’ve probably all done the right thing regarding clean undies and salt over the shoulder, but are you really being as polite and well behaved as you should be when shuttling from one airport to another in your mad crazy rush.

Here’s the first of a series of articles I’ve put together to relieve me of boredom firstly and secondly to get you safely from the check-in curb at ATL Atlanta to the cab rank at ANC Anchorage without any unnecessary detentions or background checks. Follow most of this advice (except when I’m being sarcastic) and you’ll be free of flying faux pas forever.

We’ve all heard the cabin attendant’s arms akimbo safety spiel (there’s a video version of Air Japan’s at the foot of this post) and we’ve all been guilty of ignoring them from time to time. Here are a few cardinal DON’Ts to get you started. If you can think of a few more (keep it clean, I moderate) feel free to add your suggestions as comments.

1: Don’t hold a Grudge - or Any Fond Memories

No matter how much you want to, don’t creep up behind a cabin attendant (or any member of the flight crew) grab them in a headlock, muzz their hair and yell, “You said you’d call me!” It betrays the kind of sacred trust (tryst) you could only have set in motion at the luggage pick up in Heathrow on one of those balmy North African nights, and besides, chances are, the victim of the playful wrestling maneuver probably doesn’t remember you anyway.

2: Don’t get Friendly

Don’t attempt to engender a friend in the person sitting next to you. On no account is it sensible to ask the burly guy sitting next to you with the bulge on his hip if he wants to play “Spot the Air Marshall.”

3: Curiosity Killed the Cat.

During take off or landing, it is gauche to wonder aloud why the flaps on the wings of the plane seem to be about to break off. It’s something scientific best discussed outside the terminal gates. You can educate yourself on the subject here if you need to get it out of your system.

4: Actions Speak Louder than Words – or Vote with your Feet.

If 10 bucks seems too much to pay for an orange colored omelet, a grape, and an ounce of pre-wrapped cheese, don’t try to scam a second pack of trail mix out of the attendant. Your smiles and quick quaint remarks fall on deaf ears at cruising altitude. Pack a picnic lunch for your flight and make a big deal of your culinary prowess. To really make a statement about your attitude to airline food and prices, don’t forget to pack a little Limburger and eat it with your shoes off.

5: Leave Famous People Alone

So you’re in the first row behind First / Business class and on the aisle across from you and one seat down is sitting…. (fill in the blank) ! Even though you want to, perhaps you feel the NEED, to ask Gordon Ramsey how come, if he’s such a famous chef, you never saw him cook on TV, or to ask Tim Gunn from Project Runway “Where’s Andre?” or you spot William Shatner flying free with his cushy Priceline Connections or even Chaka from Land of the Lost and really want to get some juicy news from your in-flight colleague. Think twice. The only difference between you and these high flying folks is that you work for a living. Give ‘em a break.

If you see me on a plane, on the other hand, feel free to initiate chat; a little idle conversation might keep me out of all sorts of mischief.

More soon. Godspeed on all your travel adventures, Cvetko Ostroznik

Here’s the promised Air Safety Video from Japan Airlines:

Image Credit: Twilight Zone "Nightmare at 20,000 feet" image found at tvcrazy.net

Read the Next article in the Airports and In-Flight Etiquette Series: #2 Cautions for First Time Fliers